Original taken from marena99 in Energy Cross. Crossroads.

Eastern philosophy calls the spinal column the main energy channel in the human body, along the entire length of which from the tailbone to the crown there are seven main conglomerates of energy, otherwise known as chakras, which conduct different forces.

The degree of opening of each chakra directly affects the manifestation of the qualities in a person for which it is responsible.

On the other hand, everyone knows that the right intuitive hemisphere is responsible for the left side of the body, respectively, both have a uniform negative charge; the left logical hemisphere is responsible for the right side of the body, and has a positive charge.

The question arises, at what point does energy refract and change its direction?

If we turn to the laws of physics, then, taking any straight conductor, on one side of which there is a positive charge, on the other - negative, the electric current will continue to flow in one direction, its charge cannot change in the middle of the path without special reasons.

Why then do the right hemisphere and the right side of the body have different charges if the energy flows in a straight line? What could possibly cause a change in the energy charge in our body?

Jesus Christ also said that every person bears his own cross. Undoubtedly, the meaning of this statement is multifaceted, although in everyday life His words are understood as a cross of mistakes, disappointments, sins that weigh on a person with their weight, which crucify him, forcing him to suffer throughout his life.

Our Ancestors, long before Christ, already knew that the basis of the human energy system is a cross, not a pillar, adding two more chakras to the seven, located in the left and right shoulder areas, getting nine main chakras.

The right shoulder chakra is responsible for efficiency, logical thinking, mechanical work, the left one is for feeling, intuition, and emotions.

Thus, the energy, moving from the first chakra, entering the heart chakra, then moves not to the throat, but describes the horizontal crossbar of the energy cross through the shoulder chakras, and only after that it goes up to the crown, thereby changing the charge to the opposite one in the chest area , just above the heart chakra.

If you remember the Russian folk tale:

“If you go to the right, you will lose your horse, you will save yourself; If you go to the left, you will lose yourself, but you will save your horse; If you go straight, you’ll lose both yourself and your horse.”.

In the human body, a similar crossroads, otherwise, as the ancients called it, the point of the stone, is located in the chest area at the intersection of the vertical seven-chakra pillar and the horizontal one, consisting of the two main chakras. It is not for nothing that there is an expression - feel with your heart, choose the path with your heart, since it is in the area of ​​the heart chakra that this crossroads is located, where a person makes a choice which path to follow next.

“If you go to the right, you will lose your horse, but you will save yourself...”

“Horse” means the animal nature of the traveler, “horseman” means human nature. To go “to the right” means to follow the Path of Truth, through creation in the world of people: to conquer the animal nature, uncontrollable instincts, reactions, reflexes of the human beginning, to follow moral norms, social principles, traditions, rules, but at the same time to reject one’s original strength , animal nature for the sake of the social personality, thereby remaining “without a horse”, without the powerful energy supply of the primordial source. This is connected precisely with the right shoulder chakra, which is responsible for life in the material world.

“If you go to the left, you will lose yourself, but you will save your horse...”

To go “to the left” means to go the Path of Falsehood: to release your animal, sensual, instinctive nature to the detriment of the human, to reject all social foundations, becoming an asocial person. If we talk about a person who has embarked on the path of spiritual development, then non-social behavior indicates that he has discarded all prejudices, dogmas, ideas, rules, prejudices of the human world, abandoned not only social slavery, but also the possibility of adequate behavior and perception in the human world in exchange for mastery of powers inaccessible to the common man. This path is associated with the left shoulder chakra, which is responsible for intuition, clairvoyance, development of the energy body, etc.

It's all about your choice!

The significance of Choice in a person’s life is so great that there is a need for a deeper analysis and understanding of it. If you pay attention to folk wisdom, you will notice that people from ancient times knew the value of the right Choice. This is reflected in many fairy tales, especially Russian ones, where fairy-tale characters (usually three brothers) set out on a journey in search of happiness or the meaning of life. This path almost always leads to a stone at a fork in three roads. There is an inscription on the stone instructing fairy-tale heroes to make a Choice on which their entire future fate will depend: “If you go to the right, you will find happiness, if you go to the left, you will lose your horse, if you go straight, you will lose your horse and lay down your head.” As a rule, the main character chose the most dangerous path, that is, straight. Why? This is where the whole meaning of the right choice is hidden. Let's analyze the inscription on the fairy stone.

The first phrase says: “If you go to the right, you will find happiness.” Usually a brother who follows this path finds everything he was looking for: happiness and money, but remains spiritually unsatisfied. In the end, he leaves his happy life and returns to his father's house, harboring envy of his brother, who risked taking a dangerous path. The fact is that our unlucky hero sought happiness in satisfying his earthly desires, mistakenly believing that happiness is when you have a beautiful wife and a lot of money. And if he did not make any effort to acquire all this, then a person at the height of bliss is a freebie, sir! Only in the end did he begin to understand that there were no limits to desires, they grew in proportion to well-being, but something most important was passing by. This main thing is the ability to find oneself, which turns out to be impossible within the framework of his idea of ​​​​happiness. The hero loses. And when he meets his brother, who was not afraid of difficulties and dangers, who boldly stepped into the unknown, threatening death, overcoming all difficulties, finding himself and his true happiness, then, unable to overcome his rage and envy, he kills him. In fact, he kills in himself the one who should have been realized in life, but, having wasted his life potential on dreams and inactivity, was never realized.

The second hero chooses the path about which it is prescribed: “If you go to the left, you will lose your horse.” Let's figure out what meaning is hidden in this. The horse in Ancient Rus' was a cult, almost sacred animal. He was a symbol of a faithful and devoted friend, whose loss was tantamount to death. Choosing this path, the hero understood that he could lose not only his faithful friend.

Who is a friend? We choose friends in accordance with our ideals, views, beliefs, creating a circle (system) of like-minded people. By acquiring them, we create a team that makes the same life mistakes as we do. In this system, everyone is equal and the same, no one stands out in any way. Everyone professes slightly different life values, naturally sharing the heavy burden of responsibility for the common wrong choice. Of course, they do not consider themselves to be to blame for their troubles and failures, blaming anyone and anything.

As soon as you change your attitude to life, breaking out of the system of like-minded people, they all immediately become in opposition, expectantly slandering: “We’ll see how it all ends. Look, you decided to break out, otherwise life was bad for him.” This is in the best case, and in the worst case, they will also trip you up. The opposition does not forgive those who leave its ranks. Our hero saw the meaning of life in having like-minded friends, but having lost them, he lost this meaning. He returned home disappointed and devastated. Just like the first brother, he cannot overcome envy, rage, and indignation at the success of his more successful third brother. And he also takes part in fratricide. This hero also kills within himself the one who should have been realized, but could not, due to the lack of correct space-time guidelines.

The third hero chose the most difficult and dangerous path, which promised him the loss of his horse along with his own head. Having walked this path with dignity, overcoming all difficulties, curbing all desires, accepting events as they are, controlling and analyzing his actions, the third brother receives a reward from life - he finds himself. His happy resurrection after his brothers dealt with him indicates that a person who has found himself and has the right guidelines in life is not afraid of anything, Life itself protects him and gives him all the benefits.

How should we understand the unequivocal warning “you will lay down your head,” which echoes the biblical requirement to give up your son to the slaughter? To lay down one’s head means to lay down the powers of the brain, which has taken on the unusual functions of the thinking apparatus, with all its basic values ​​and stereotypes of the material (subjective) world. A person is invited to reassess values, putting in first place the spiritual values ​​of the invisible, but objective Subtle World. By giving one's son to slaughter, one means stopping the vicious practice of raising one's offspring on the basis of subjective, purely materialistic ideas about the world. It is proposed to include a chain reaction of connecting all subsequent generations to the brain of the Universe, to Its Energy Information Field.

It is not without reason that such importance is attached to Choice - the right Choice is associated with the Evolution of man, with his ability to find himself, abandoning the subjective and switching to the perception of the objective - everything that is necessary to create well-being. You already know that life flows between two opposing forces: creative and destructive. In each specific event, a person is forced by Life to choose those forces in whose power he will be: creative or destructive. Everyone wants to deal with creative people, but you can join them only if certain conditions are met, very strictly tied to a person’s self-improvement. Based on the description of Choice from fairy tales, we can conclude that it begins with the choice of life orientation. Each of us is invited to make a choice of one of three possible directions.

A person who has chosen the first direction is focused on himself, on satisfying his physiological and psychological needs (emotions). He spends all his energy on the search for happiness, making money, and certainly with the expenditure of his own efforts and labor. The perception of the world is purely subjective and is in full accordance with his ideas and beliefs. The objective world is completely hidden behind a veil of subjectivism. He is completely disconnected from the real world, remaining in the cocoon of the original Dimensions. The objective world is dangerous and scary for him. Such a person realizes himself only in physical labor, because he is not harmonized in the Consciousness – Man System.
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A person following the second path is focused on blindly, thoughtlessly copying the programs of parents, friends, and society. He is ready to sacrifice his life for the sake of society, the Motherland, and Humanity. It contains a tendency towards heroism, messianism, and healing. Psychologically, he is committed to self-sacrifice for the common good. Tries to understand objective reality, but through the prism of a subjective attitude of sacrifice. Such people talk about universal love, morality, and are carried away by esoteric and other sciences in order to perpetuate the memory of themselves among the people. They read the Bible and live according to the commandments of God, in every possible way avoid and beware of the machinations of the Devil with his dark forces, while at the same time being in the power of destructive, and in fact, all the same dark forces.

Such people are between the subjective and the objective, but, as a rule, the sensual, the subjective, wins. They perceive the objective world only from the standpoint: “This suits me, but this doesn’t; I’ll accept this, otherwise I won’t; I will do this, but I won’t do that.” They try to control the objective world with the help of emotions and their subjective perception, trying to “take God by the beard.” They dictate their rights to everyone, everywhere, impose their ideas and rules. These are people of emotions. But they have to reckon with objective reality, since their inner essence is directed to the outside world, to caring for the common good. Self-sacrifice is their main credo, by implementing which these people try to change the world in accordance with subjective ideas of “good and bad.” Their logic is directed inward, to the world of their subjective ideas, and therefore, as in the first group, they lack common sense. These are socially and religiously law-abiding citizens. In a critical situation, they will follow the leader who promises the common good and prosperity. They are indecisive and cannot begin to transform their own lives. Immersed in the ideas of general welfare, such people are capable of doing evil (everything that does not fit with their morality must be destroyed), and they are convinced that they are doing the right thing. These people are not harmonized in the Man-Man System.

A person walking straight (an analogy of choice in fairy tales) is completely focused on the real objective world. He develops a true, objective vision of the world, rational thinking, and learns to manage emotions. He approaches events thoughtfully, purposefully, controlling his thoughts and actions. Builds relationships with people on mutually beneficial terms, taking into account not only his own interests, but also takes into account the interests of the other person. Respects the will of other people and does not impose his beliefs on anyone. He begins to realize the harmfulness of the general direction of the movement of Humanity: in words - towards good, towards light, towards God, but in reality - in the opposite direction.

Such an opportunist has to change his orientation contrary to the programs and opinion of the majority, growing his own creative programs. But only such a person is reunited with nature, he is disgusted by subjectivism and does not need sermons about universal love and morality, he lives by it. These people are the Creators of their lives and the entire living space. They are determined, not afraid of difficulties, and achieve their goals. Their logic is aimed at analyzing the objective world, at actively interacting with it, through their own improvement and transformation. The absence of subjectivity and an accurate analysis of the objective help them to take from life everything that it gives. They know that life will not give you bad things, and they cannot miss their chance. Often, to achieve what you want, you have to overcome difficulties. These people cope with them by showing restraint, patience, and self-confidence. It is about these people that we can say: they do not expect mercy from society, the state, or doctors, but create them themselves, relying on the creative forces of nature! All life is concentrated in this person and is realized through him. He Himself Creates Life!

Life is an objective reality that exists apart from the desires and “wants” of a person. And this reality can become aggressive towards a person if he has not found the right guidelines, first of all, has not learned to use Choice wisely. There is only one Right Choice - to have an objective awareness of reality, when Consciousness must receive an orientation towards the real world, the world as it is, and not the one as a person would like to see it. Of the listed options, the correct one, of course, is the last one.

A fairy tale is a lie, but there is a hint in it.

Here is the epic stone, which sooner or later necessarily appeared before any self-respecting hero - not such an invention.

No matter what road you walk on, sooner or later there will be a fork in the road, and above the fork there are clouds and black crows, in front of the horse there is a stone: take off, hero, your helmet and properly scratch your hero’s dust...

"The Knight at the Crossroads." Vasnetsov

There are times when entire states find themselves facing a fairy-tale fork: where to turn, right or left?

And our land is a fork in itself: with whom to be, with the West or with the East? To lose a horse or find a wife (a grumpy and demanding wife, by the way, and never Vasilisa the Wise)…

An unenviable fate: to find yourself between great civilizations and forever have to choose who to be with. And the choice is truly serious.

What is the East?

Ideology of community. A unit in the East does not decide anything and does not influence anything. Even an Eastern tyrant - he cannot tyrannize alone, he definitely needs a clan, a family, like-minded people, whom he will put around his throne like a dense wall and will cruelly punish for betrayal, because it is impossible to live alone in the East.

And what about the eastern people - they especially don’t understand what it’s like to live alone? The East has always taken en masse: both when thousands of crowds of Mongol-Tatars burned the Russian steppe to the ground, and when they bought spoiled Europe for silk and spices, and then when the red regime was established by all the people, and then when they beat sparrows with sticks all over China - and sparrows also died en masse, as is customary in the East.

And even the eastern sages, as lonely as any sages in any part of the world - they always try to identify with at least someone, well, at least with nature, to become at least one with something, to join the community.

It's a completely different matter-West

Every person there is an individual. Separate. Independent. Eligible. Raising the voice. Solving issues of any kind independently: from the most everyday to the most global.

Only in the West is it possible to elect the president of a huge country with a margin of only seven votes - in the East, for the sake of seven votes, they wouldn’t even count anything.

Western man is filled with awareness of his own human worth and importance. Therefore, the West always argues, always fights for something, always wants something in return - because its constituent individuals argue, fight and want.

Even our gods are different.

In the East there are many faces, many languages, sending prophets to Earth, living either several lives or several deaths.

In the West, this is necessarily a Personality who single-handedly changes the whole world.

What to choose: Eastern unity or Western individuality?

Lose a horse or gain a wife?

A centaur stands in front of a stone on which it is written: “If you go to the left you will lose your horse, if you go to the right you will lose your head,” and he thinks...

8 months ago

- Girl, who are you?
- Baba Yaga’s daughter, who are you?
- And I, I’m an asshole!

Ilya the Muromets is riding along the road, at the fork there is a stone: “If you go to the right, you’ll lose your horse. If you go to the left, you’ll lose your head. Let's go. In the clearing there is a hut on a chicken scabbard with Baba Yaga. She fed Ilya Muromets, gave him something to drink, steamed him in the bathhouse and put him to bed:
- Who will you lie with, Ilyusha, with me, with your daughter, or in the hayloft?
Ilya thought that the grandmother was two hundred years old, the daughter was a little younger, no? I'd rather lie down in the hayloft. In the morning I woke up, did my exercises, and saw a beauty standing near the well, simply fabulous:
- Girl, who are you?
- Baba Yaga’s daughter, who are you?
- And I, I’m an asshole!

Ilya the Muromets is riding along the road, at the fork there is a stone: “If you go to the right, you’ll lose your horse. If you go to the left, you’ll lose your head. Let's go. In the clearing there is a hut on a chicken scabbard with Baba Yaga. She fed Ilya Muromets, gave him something to drink, steamed him in the bathhouse and put him to bed:
- Who will you lie with, Ilyusha, with me, with your daughter, or in the hayloft?
Ilya thought that the grandmother was two hundred years old, the daughter was a little younger, no? I'd rather lie down in the hayloft. In the morning I woke up, did my exercises, and saw a beauty standing near the well, simply fabulous:
- Girl, who are you?
- Baba Yaga’s daughter Vasilisa the Beautiful, who are you?
- And I, I’m an asshole!

The hero Ilya Muromets drives up to a huge stone, and on it is written:
“If you go to the right, you’ll lose yourself; if you go to the left, you’ll lose your horse; if you go straight, you’ll crash into me!”

A very fat patient asks the professor:
- Tell me, doctor, what exercises are good for losing weight?
- I recommend that you turn your head from right to left and from left to right.
- How often?
- Whenever you are treated!

The sign on the door in the toilet: “Look to your left”; on the left is written: “Look to the right”; on the right it says: “Look behind you”; on the back it says: “Did you come here? Or look around?

A centaur is a mythical creature, a man on top, a horse below.
Ksenia Sobchak is a reverse centaur.

Why are men drawn to the left?
- There’s nowhere to go to the right. To the right of the wife is only the mother-in-law.

Somehow I never had a chance to throw easy money left and right. But I feel like it’s mine.

Have you heard that in England you drive on the left?
- So what happens: their men go not to the left, but to the right?

How to choose a woman for life?
Shout: smart - to the left, beautiful - to the right. The one that hesitates, grab it and run!

It used to be that you defeat all your enemies, and such boredom overcomes you that you start doing dirty tricks left and right in order to acquire new ones as quickly as possible.

How did I choose my wife? He shouted: “smart ones to the left, beautiful ones to the right!” One hesitated, and that’s when I caught her!

Who is a pessimist?
- This is someone who looks left and right before crossing a one-way street.

During military-technical training classes, the sergeant major explains to the soldiers the operation of the steering:
- Steering is needed in order to turn right, left and other directions of the world.

A man stands in front of the maternity hospital with his head raised. Shouts to the woman in the window:
- Masha! Well, who?!
- Germans! Four is zero! I almost gave birth!

At school, the teacher tells the children: - Come up with a poem with the words: “If I had a horse...”. Misha: If I had a horse, I would ride it for three days... Kolya: If I had a horse, it would obey me... Vovochka: If I had a horse, this would be a number. If the horse had me, I would probably die...

A very sad man is sitting in a restaurant, resting his head on his hands, almost crying. A filled glass stands in front of him. An insolent person passing by, seeing that the man is thinking about something, quickly takes and drinks a glass. The man slowly raises his head and says:
- What kind of life... The apartment was robbed, the dacha burned down, the wife left, the mistress left... And now some bastard drank my poison.

Checkmate is the concentration of thought and feeling. After all, you can’t say “Maria Ivanovna is like that woman who cheats on her husband left and right with different men,” but you can say it in just one word!

The teacher said that on the banks of the Tiber River, Alexander the Great’s horse was stolen. Hence the expression - STIBRIL... And Vovochka clarified: was it not near the Leaning Tower of Pisa that he tied the second horse?

I'm standing at an intersection with my wife, waiting for the green light...
A trolleybus passes by, on which it is written: "Warm floor with
intellect"... Thinking...

The man was about to drown himself. Standing on a bridge with a curb stone around his neck. A woman runs towards him and shouts:
- Man, stop! Wait!
- Well, what do you want?
Woman holding out a package:
- Here, take the kittens...

I don't know why people find drunk texts annoying, you're the person someone thinks about when their brain can't even think.

A bear, a wolf and an elk fell into a huge hole. Well, it's been weeks
two, the wolf approaches the bear:
- Listen, Misha,.. well,.. this is the case,.. in general, I think so,
elk is a herbivore, but here in the hole there is no grass,
he will die soon anyway, but we are predators, look again
We could last a week or two, let’s eat it now, but
then he will die of hunger, we won’t eat carrion...
- That's right, Wolf!
Well, they approach the moose:
- In general, Elk, this is the case, you are a herbivore, but there is no grass here,
The Wolf and I decided to eat you, you’ll die anyway,
and so we will still live.
Moose says:
- Yes, of course, guys! Yes, I really wanted to come to you!
Yes indeed, eat me to your health! I really
I’ll die, but you cool boys will still live! Only, guys,
I have a request for you: Moose told me that I have
there is some kind of tattoo under the tail and something is written there,
and she is illiterate - she doesn’t know how to read, but I don’t care
I can’t reach it, and I really want to find out what I have there
written. And here’s the thing, well, at least before you die, respect
read me, otherwise I’ll die without knowing.
- Yes, of course, we’ll read it, it’s not for a cool kid
It’s a pity, we’ll do everything!
They approach the elk from behind, well, he naturally stands on his front legs
stood up, back as he would give them both. Well, the wolf is immediately killed,
and the bear’s sternum is torn apart, its muzzle is all upside down, covered in blood,
jaw to the left, nose to the right. The bear holds its face and yells:
- A-ah, oh-oh, where am I going, where am I, I can’t read...

Ilyusha is at a crossroads, there is a stone in front of him.
Caption: If you go straight - horse
If you lose it, If you go to the right, you will lose your head, If you go to the left, you will be at home
I'll kill you.
Yours Vasilisa.

Once upon a time there lived a Bunny and a Squirrel. They were friends, loved each other. One day the Bunny suggested - let's live together, let's get married. Squirrel says, “How can that be, you are Bunny, and I am Squirrel... Bunny replies that the power of their love is higher than stereotypes and species-racial considerations. They began to live as a family, in general... And there is, and understanding, and sex Yes. There are just no children. They became sad. The Bunny says: “Do we really not have children because I am the Bunny and you are the Squirrel?” How so?! Let's go to the Owl, she's smart, she knows everything. They came and the Bunny said: - Owl, tell me, why don't we have children? Because we are a Bunny and a Squirrel? The Owl answers: - Yes, you really ate or something... Because you are a boy and he is also a boy!!!

There were more koloboks, and they became brutal, the evolution of Smeshariki (Efen Gai)

Petka: - Vasil Ivanovich, what is philosophy? - Well, here’s an example. Two people are walking - one dirty, the other clean. They need to enter the city clean, having washed in the same bathroom. Costs one bath. Who needs to wash first? - The clean one! - And why the hell should he wash - he’s clean! - Well, then, the dirty one! - The dirty one will wash, the water will be dirty. How to wash cleanly? - What should I do? - Who knows, but that’s what science and philosophy explains!

The man was completely tormented by need and went to drown himself. He tied a stone around his neck and went deeper and deeper into the water. Then something began to play with sparkles under his feet. Man - grab it! Oops! Goldfish: “Make,” he says, “your three wishes.” The man thought and thought, thought about it carefully, and asked: “Can I make two wishes now, and leave the third in reserve?” “Yes,” the fish answers. “Then in -firstly, I want to be a “new Russian”, and secondly, so that I don’t get killed. A “six hundredth” Mercedes with a “new Russian” drives around Moscow. His arms were sawed off with a chainsaw, his legs were torn off with a grenade, his eyes were burnt out with sulfuric acid, but he was alive - death did not take him. The man of life could not stand it, he remembered his third wish and called the goldfish. “What do you want?” she asked. “You can have me by the time we meet me.” return? - I can. No sooner said than done. A man with a stone around his neck enters the water deeper and deeper. Then something under his feet begins to play with sparkles. - Go to hell! - said the man and with a light heart he wandered on. .

The new Russian is fishing. He pulls out, as expected, a goldfish. It, as always, offers three wishes for his freedom to be fulfilled. The new Russian thought. - I want all the traffic lights to glow green when I approach - this time. - I want everyone traffic jams, when I approached, cleared the corridor for my passage - that means two. - I want all the cops to salute me as I pass - that’s three. Fish: - How can it be, there are always palaces, money and girls, but here’s something - then you wanted presidential!? New Russian: - You need to be more modest, little fish, more modest.

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Early morning in the village, an ordinary family of mother, son and father without legs,

Early morning in the village, an ordinary family of mother, son and father without legs, which they lost in the war. The son is getting ready to hunt, takes a gun and a cartridge, then his dad crawls up to him and says:
- Son, take me hunting, I really want to!
- Dad, how can I take you, you don’t have legs, what good are you?
- And you, son, put me in a backpack behind your back, and if we suddenly see a bear, you shoot at it - you won’t hit it, you turn your back, and I’ll kill it with one shot, you know it yourself - I shoot a squirrel in the eye from 100 meters! So we’ll bring the loot home, so we’ll have something to eat in the winter.
The son thought and thought and said, “Okay, dad, let’s go.”
They are walking through the forest, the father is sitting in a backpack, and then a bear meets them. The son shoots, misses, shoots again - misses again, turns his back, dad shoots - also waves, again - misses again. The bear is already rushing at them, well, the son will give it a try, and meanwhile the father is shouting - they say, quickly, they will catch up! They've been running for an hour, they have no strength, the son understands that he and his dad won't run that far - they'll both be lost, so he decided to throw off his backpack and runs on.
He runs home all out of breath and says to his mother:
- Mother, we no longer have a father... - with tears in his eyes.
His mother calmly puts down the frying pan, turns to him and says:
- How did you fuck me with your desire, then my dad came running 10 minutes ago in his arms and said that we no longer have a son!

They invited a guy at work to a corporate party and allowed him to come

They invited a man at work to a corporate party, they allowed him to come with his wives, the corporate party was themed - a masquerade, you had to come in costumes, with masks. No sooner said than done, they got ready just before going out, and his wife had a headache, she said, “Go without me, and I’ll lie down at home for now,” and she herself came up with a cunning plan - to follow the man, how he would behave at the masquerade, to pester Zinka from accounting or even get drunk. Before going out, she changed her costume, came and saw her hubby - first dancing with one, then twirling the other, guard! She decided to check how far he would go, invited him to dance, they danced and whispered in his ear: - Maybe we can retire...
They retired, did their business, and the wife quickly went home. Her husband arrived a little later, she decided to ask him:
F - Well? How do you like your corporate party?!
M - Yes, gray boredom, the men and I decided to go play poker, and before that Petrovich, our boss asked him to exchange suits with him, since he had dirty his, so he was lucky, can you imagine, some woman in the ass gave!

Perestroika, collective farms are slowly dying out, everyone has gathered

Perestroika, collective farms are slowly dying out, all the animals have gathered in the barnyard and are discussing their future fate.
The bulls came out first and said: We must leave here while the hooves are still intact. The roof of the hangar is already leaking, it’s not raining, so we’re swimming like ducks. Next come the pigs: they haven’t eaten normal food for 100 years, the straw is all rotten, they give water once every three days. It’s impossible to live like this, you need to get out. All the other animals supported: Yes, yes, stop putting up with this and let’s go. One Sharik sits still, everyone asks him:
- Sharik, why are you sitting?! Come with us!
Sharik answers:
- No, I won’t go with you, I have a prospect!
Animals:
- What is the prospect? You'll die of hunger here!
Ball:
- No, guys, I have a prospect here!
Animals:
- Well, what prospects do you have here, you’ll get sick, catch fleas and die alone here!
Ball:
- No guys, I have a prospect...
Animals:
- What kind of prospect is that?!?!?!
Ball:
- I heard here that the landlady told the owner “... if things continue like this, then we’ll suck Sharik all winter...”

The girl invited the guy to visit, romantic, that's all. And

The girl invited the guy to visit, romantic, that's all. And at that moment his stomach began to twist, he simply had no strength to endure it anymore. They come into her apartment and the girl says:
- Come in, don’t be shy, go into the room, and now I’ll go to the bathroom and powder my nose...
It was somehow awkward for the guy to ask her ahead of her, so he decided to be patient, although he no longer had the strength to endure it. He walks into the room and looks - there’s a big dog sitting there. He took it and piled it in the room, and thinks that he will then blame everything on the dog, while he, contentedly, goes to the kitchen to drink tea.
The girl with the bath comes out and asks him:
D: Why don’t you go into the room?
P: There’s a big dog there, I’m afraid of it.
D: I found someone to be scared of, she’s plush...
P: Wow, she gave a shit like a real one!